There’s often a bittersweet part to life. I’ve been feeling it more this year and even more so the past few days. Nights with shooting stars, giggles, picnics, movies at the park and summer vibes. And at the same time, the memory of what was in the background. In my heart. Holding on to the past. Afraid that if I let go, I will forget and will lose the magical feelings I still feel within me when I reminisce about them.
Finding myself in the magic of a summer night filled with good friends, fairy lights and dancing to the sound of folk guitar and still, walking back home with big tears rolling down my face.
The coexistence of moments of exhilaration and pure joy while at the same time feeling deep sadness in my bones. Soaring all the while going through hard times. Life is full of nuances.
I often see life through the lens of a story. I can live a moment and almost simultaneously have this vision in my head, of lines for a book or a scene in a movie. It’s maybe my creative side or the romantic in me. I also feel too much and love too hard, consumed by a "saudade" that is often present. I long for moments anchored in my heart, I ache for a future that slipped away right in front of me... or hasn’t come to life yet. I crave the laughs, the magic, the connection and I have a hard time not getting attached- to beautiful souls, places, moments. The art of letting go and non attachment is probably the one thing in yoga philosophy that I struggle the most with. We often talk about non- attachment and that letting go is the hardest asana of all. That there is nothing else than this moment right here, right now. But for a Scorpio like me - who feels so deeply and feels familiar in the depths of the ocean, it requires a lot of practice to come up for air, to the surface, to this moment. Feeling the intensity of life is my natural state almost. The highs and lows. I cannot suppress emotions, I cannot move on in a blink of an eye.
It’s contradictory in a way. I struggle with impermanence but at the same time rejoice with fresh new moments that bring a unique sense of magic and new levels of high.
I see life as a beautiful and intense storyline, which can be unsettling for others around me. But I don’t know how not to love with all my heart, how not see and feel the magic of a moment and want to hold on to that feeling in my heart forever. I want that cosmic connection to keep swirling in every cell of my body forever.
In the bittersweet moments, I go back to my healing. I dance, I cry, I make art, I write, I nourish my body, I listen to songs on repeat, I take myself on solo dates, I swim - I am a water baby and this is therapy for me. I prioritise slow living. I journal. I put my hands in the soil and take care of my plants, I read, I breathe, I meditate. I practice womb yoga to connect to my body, my intuition and shakti.
I am not afraid of those big feels. I don’t avoid them but instead welcome them. I don’t judge them as negative. They just come and go like waves. Sometimes the waves are smashing out of the blue, sometimes I can just surf them softly. And I know those moments are often followed by a creative spark, a strong faith or a wild fire within. As a highly sensitive person, I’ve learned to see my intense way of living life as a superpower. I sense people’s energy strongly, I notice the subtle beauty and the little things that make ordinary life extraordinary. My intuition guides me most of the time. I retreat in my own space daily to rejuvenate and have learned to create strong boundaries for my well-being. I process life events maybe more slowly and intensely than others. And most of all, when I love, I love with all my being on a deep soul level.
If like me, you are a deep feeler and sensitive one, create a little healing toolkit for the moments that may feel too much and for the regular self-care that you need probably more than others. Discover what it is that makes you feel grounded, calm and connected to your true nature. Know that you are not broken. Let go of what others may think of you and tend to your heart and emotional body. Embrace the bittersweetness of life. There is a unique beauty and aliveness that is intertwined in those moments.