One thing I’ve been doing for years, a practice I started in my late teens, and something I’ve learned from my mom (and dad), is going on solo dates.
My mom embodies a freedom, aliveness and joy that radiates so naturally from within. She has always loved flying on her own - no matter if she’s in a relationship or not. She goes to the movies, music festivals and concerts, to breakfast at the lake, snowboarding or long weekends in the mountains on her own. She doesn’t wait for someone to make her happy. She doesn’t wait for people to be available to join her on her adventures. She loves company and is a great entertainer, but she loves her own company just as much. And by investing in her pleasure, she attracts people around her, as she’s got this charisma and adventurous and joyful spirit. People want to be around her.
This little golden way of life has been ingrained in me throughout the years. I feel very lucky for this precious life wisdom she shared by living and being herself.
So I never had any problems to pick up my backpack and book a flight for some solo adventures, or going to concerts by myself or wearing an outfit that makes me feel good and feminine and go for a stroll and I am as comfortable staying in on a Friday night with a book, candelit bath and home cooked dinner. I love being on my own as much as I love company and being in a relationship.
There’s something quite empowering when you realise that you’re a pretty cool human being and that you can find peace, joy and fun within.
I’ve been to concerts on my own, being totally high on the music and witnessing couples being cold and distant to each other. I’ve heard stories of couples staying together out of fear of being on their own, or people preferring to stay home instead of booking a trip or concert that they really wanted to experience.
It’s not something that comes easily for everyone, I get it.
So why does it matter to get curious and maybe experiment on the solo dating thing.
Well, it’s part of discovering yourself. Who you really are behind all those labels - romantic partner, daughter, mother, sister, friend. It’s by creating space that we can deepen our relationship with ourselves. It’s by being silent that we can listen. It is the most important relationship we have the honour to cultivate.
And by practicing and experimenting, you’ll start to feel good in your own skin and have the courage to dip your toes in new waters, exploring your passions, getting curious and trying something new.
Getting intimate with your own company will boost your confidence, bring you joy and you’ll cultivate pleasure. It’s an act of self-love. You are worth it. Make it a sacred experience. Something joyful and peaceful. Learning to love your presence. Because you matter and are a pretty rad human I believe.
By dating yourself, you’ll be able to understand yourself and your partner better.
I am sharing all things relationships this Sunday June 10th at Cabinet 22. From the importance of solo dating, to learning ways people show and receive love, to attachment styles (anxious, avoidant and secure), and some boundaries exercises that will make you more confident with your yes’s & no’s.